i've been surprising myself lately.

where's the fine line between overconfidence/boastfulness and remaining confident/humble?

i hope i don't annoy people. yes, people say "don't CARE what people think". no, no i say. you should care. you can't step all over people to get what you think is yours. you can't just say whatever you want to say.

i've always been a reserved person. but the BUSINESS calls for a more confident and ambitious side, one that i know i'm capable of. so, if i had to ask, which was the REAL me... i'm not sure. i just know that i'll always at least strive to be humble.

if i seem like i'm flaunting my blessings, i'm sorry. tell me so.


--

i've been finding God lately. at least, getting back in touch with my spiritual side. i have grave disappointments in the Church as an institution. Went on New Year's day, and the priest was the most egotistical, fire-and-brimstone kind of guy.. a total turn-off, a total 'if you don't do this you will DIE' kind of attitude that defied everything i learned from Catholic school for 12 years. Children are Angels of God, not "stupid." other religions like Islam and Judaism DO share the same God... and he said that the Catholic church was THE best, and our God is THE best. Bull, if you ask me.

i hope that someday, and soon, i'll work towards a better understanding of the meaning of FAITH, and HOPE. around my neck, i wear a ring that says, "faith". i want to be able to live up to that. Faith in myself, in God, in others, in my friends, family, work life, in my relationships, etc. there will be no good in having a lack of faith.

--

currently just sitting in my apartment, alone. cleaning up for a get-together tomorrow.

--

i don't want to be stuck in the status quo. and i definitely have goals and plans for the future.

--

i'll always be with you. if you need me. and that goes vice versa. i hope, and pray, and have FAITH, in my friends. that they will stand by me.

can't wait to fulfill goals, one at a time.

1. GRADUATE in MAY 2010 baby.

2. Party in celebration for 2 weeks!

3. Go ABROAD, baby. Yes, FINALLY, the college-long wish to go to Japan shall be fulfilled - no if's, and's, or but's. 10 days in Japan, 3/4 weeks in the Philippines! CAN'T WAIT.

4. Find a JOB and LOVE it. Give it my all. Make a decent amount and start saving for life's middle class pleasures. Short/long term financial goals... like rent, bills, new wardrobe, a bmw 1 series.. haha.

5. Think about pursuing my MBA in a year or two! Media Management? Straight up financial ish? Career change completely? Don't know yet.



2010-2011, you'll be LIFE CHANGING.

listening to melodies of life, FFIX piano collection.


11/6/08, my eulogy.


Dear Eric,

Why hello, Mr. KingEricFriday, Mr. My-favorite-color-is-blue.
It was only yesterday that i met you during cotillion practice, that we chatted online and hit it off; only yesterday that i invited you as my guest to my graduation, driving you back home through driving rain, holding your hand.
Only yesterday that we stole each other's first kiss.

Erikku-kun, there is nothing i can say that i'm sure others haven't said already. Two years ago I fell for your smarts, your quirkiness, your beautiful piano playing, your knowledge of japanese, and your gaming skills.

For that time we had together, we were able to share so much of our life stories. How can I ever forget your sweet smile, the way you looked at me, the way you were such a helping hand to others.

Remember the hammock at Catherine’s house? The summer days with friends? Our dance to “It Might Be You?” by Kai? I even gave you a mix CD. One of the songs was a piano piece I had composed and recorded for you. I called it, “His Theme,” in true Final Fantasy fashion.

Even when there was a time when we didn’t talk too often, I still thought of you and our friendship. Then as we became closer friends this past summer, we shared many more memories. You confided in me more, and I in you. Almost every day after our summer jobs we’d meet up to hang out. Ericka coined it my “entourage,” which included you, Gabe, Marc, and Justin. We went randomly to the beach, or on random drives. You even stayed awake and texted me at 5 am to say “happy 4th of july sunrise.”

Remember when i said i would always be there, even when you spoke of the void you often felt? Even though you felt doubt sometimes, you still shared your thoughts of your future. You wanted to get an apartment instead of a car, and i suggested that you buy at least a bike to get to work. In car rides or during our pizza lunches, you talked about your senior design project, your two summer jobs, your pride in being Abby’s teacher in both dance and academics. You were saving up to get some suits for ‘the real world.’ You were changing and growing, but at the same time, you were still that guy I liked and admired from two years ago. As a friend, you were awesome. As Ike or Marth, you were ready to beat my housemates in Super Smash Brothers anytime.

Did the sun rise for you now, Eric? You’re leaving all of us with so many memories, memories that won’t be forgotten. You.. will not be forgotten.

Even yesterday (or rather, this morning)… while I spent time at your house making origami and laughing alongside your friends and family, I felt your presence.
You were there when we made paper roses.
I tried hard to make one as beautiful as the ones you would make for others.
Even when I was playing the piano pieces that you inspired me to learn... you were there.
You brought us together.

I hope you don't mind that I'm writing a little something about you to share with your family and friends. You were always private, often blocking your face from pictures. Only now, Eric, I ask that you uncover your face for us to see it smiling.

I’ll see your smile every time I play Canon in C – the My Sassy Girl version, the one you taught me. I’ll see your smile whenever I eat an Oreo cookie. I’ll see your smile whenever I attempt to speak Japanese.

You know, one of the very first text messages you sent me. actually was my first lesson in Japanese. You taught me how to say ‘good night.’

So now I want to say goodnight to you, Erikku-kun. Oyasuminasai.

We’ll miss you.



Still missing you.

it's nearly a year since you've been gone,
but time doesn't make me miss you less,
think of you less...

On a Typical Week...

EDIT EDIT EDIT EDIT.

and by that, i mean video.

this week alone...

Monday: Targum video.
Tuesday: Student Life Marketing video.
Wednesday: Advanced TV Reporting video.
Thursday: Documentary Filmmaking video.
Friday: Student Life Marketing video.
Saturday: fall over, lose eyesight, maybe go on a video shoot or two.
Sunday: rest, rinse, repeat.