one year ago, i wrote this [and today i'm putting side notes]:

Saturday, April 12, 2008

maybe one day... (summer perhaps?) :
-exploration of the newly opened newseum / go around d.c. [YES! recently did this.]
-another acapella concert [yeppp!]
-more intellectual debate / continuation of forum topics / discussion on racism, the media, empowerment, education, awareness, propaganda, etc etc... [i pipe up here and there during conversations, when i feel the time is right to try to voice my opinion/have a convincing argument.]
-hours dedicated to piano/guitar [umm..sadly.. no.. very sadly.. no.]

much more 'immediate' things... but...

longer-term goals:
internship/possible fellowship (if i do get this fellowship, that would make for an interesting year.) [umm.. i'm getting calls back now. we'll see where it/they -the internship possibilities- take me.]
(applying like crazy now; hoping like crazy now.)
getting scholarships
(applying like crazy now; hoping like crazy now.) [i applied for some this year too.]

longer, longer term goals:
study abroad for a semester at temple u (tokyo, japan that is.) - senior year fall 09 ??? [i applied... the program got canceled... oh bitter me. it was my dream since then too, and i actually thought it was going to happen! i could've joined another program like visual anthropology, but it seemed like my parents were ehh about the switch-over/pressure from the rush that temple was making me do...]
finish on time . [i sure hope so. at least my requirements are done after this semester.]
get a job . [umm.. i got one last summer that paid very well.. well enough that the money lasted me all of last semester.]
get money to pay off loans . [still want this!]
get a sexy(-ier) car xD . [possibility: BMW 1 series. xD]

--
yeah, the goals have pretty much remained the same.


--
random: I noticed that a number of things I like watching start with the letter H (but of course, my favorites are certainly not limited to this letter..)... Heroes, High School Musical, House MD, Hana Yori Dango... mmm.

--
every day is a constant battle for me.
every day i think about you and miss you, erikku-kun.
i just have to think that i'll get through it.
i have to.

--
i just looked through a lot of my xanga.. circa 2003-2009.
oh how i've evolved in so many ways.. but still have remained the same.

--
ugh, side note! watching hana yori dango makes me have a glimmer of hope in romance/romantic notions.

4am and i can't seem to sleep. i'm in a creative mood but not sure of just where to begin. i've been reading other people's blogs over the past few hours... whewww. good stuff out there!

where DO i begin? i'll sleep for now and add more later.

[that add more LATER part.. failed. adding starts now.]

we've all got our baggage.
i can see it in your eyes...
you're much more.
i wanna be your confidant
your ear, your arm, your best.
we can't hide away.
i don't want to much longer.

faint images flash across my memory.
dogtags. rings with words etched inside.
so close yet so far.
we each had something so strong that we held onto.
i know i couldn't possibly think about
giving half my heart to you
half my feelings to you
just because i still held onto something else.
maybe you feel the same way too.

i somehow don't fear losing you; i never had you in the first place.
maybe we both think: it's easier if we don't try for beyond the superficial.
maybe it's true.

but no. spring fever is in the air.
i'm not sure how things will be now.
but i do finally want a real change.

i want something to go somewhere.


--

happy april fool's day.

or rather, happy april alternate ego/life ... dream.

i was thinking of creating a list of ideas for april fool's jokes... which would serve more like a list of things that i'd think were reaches... things i'd actually love if they'd come true. or maybe they would be subconscious wants. something like that.

hmm. i'll just go with whatever comes into my head right now and not editing/taking back ideas for these jokes/subconscious wants. wtf? lol. keep in mind.. all of these things are [quite possibly] untrue... but majority are things that would be awesome if they were to be come true.

-i'm moving to california this summer. i applied to transfer to USC and got in.
-i'm moving to japan. end of story.
-i've joined the army reserve (and got stuff to prove it).
-i'm in a relationship with ______(insert name here).
-i'm moving to canada. i got a job at some canadian broadcasting network.
-i fractured my ankle because of running, tripping, and landing on a rock.
-someone took me out on a date to the city, we got close, and it was awesome.
-i had an epiphany that my choice job would be ____ within [this] career field... (working for the government.. or most especially, in honor of my dad, working for the United Nations.)
-i got a journalism scholarship (yes! all those applications paid off!).
-i got the ABC internship, but then had about 20,000 other internships reply back to me so suddenly, wanting me to come in for an interview. FML.
-i laid down in the grass and looked up at the stars with a loved one next to me and we saw a shooting star.
-i finally got over you.
-i stopped being a confused hopeless idiot and finally got my independent self back.
-i became fearless. in regards to EVERYTHING. whatta miracle.


okay, i've got to sleep. those were some lame ideas. i'm a better writer/idea-thinker-upper-person. sleep for now! [PS: THERE ARE BIRDS CHIRPING. FML]