everyone has their fears, right?
i have so many fears, some of which are weighing on my mind as of late.

namely...
does anyone like me? and i don't mean that.. 'ooh girl like boy' type like. i mean.. like..ME. for who i am. or .. are the certain ways i act, or the certain things i say, huge criteria? am i constantly criticized? does.. no one like me anymore?


sudden dip in self-confidence is spelled out by the way people's vibes are around me. i'm kind of scared i'm failing in this whole.. 'maintaining friends thing'.

am i now a social outcast?

selfish.. everything in this blog is "i..i..i..me...me..."


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i get freaked out that people see me differently.
have i changed?

--
EDIT - 124AM


The answer to that is Yes. Yes I have. We all have.
We all have insecurities.
We all judge.
We all hope/wish/dream.
I certainly hope that we are all proud of ourselves in one way or another.

We all are our own person. I have confidence in myself, enough so that I can reassure myself that I know I can make it. I can succeed.

What I meant by "detach" in a recent post was that.. soon will come the time that I will make another life decision. In high school I did this, and because of it, I grew up. I became more confident. I embraced new friends. I learned a lot from experiences with them.

It's another time like that. I may have to change it up a bit. I may need to branch away. I can see myself going for internships in NYC. I've applied to some; turned down some interviews. Why? Last semester I didn't feel it was right. I needed that semester of living dirt poor. No job; only school and extra curriculars that didn't pay. A time to focus on myself. The people I surrounded myself with. The experiences of college life on campus. [and be proud of my GPA.]

It's a new semester. I'm getting ready for a revamp. A revive.

But don't get me wrong. I'm scared in so many ways. I lack confidence in so many ways. So many times I fight the urge to take the easy way out. To disappear. To even.. run away to .. Canada or something.

But then I'd let so many people down. He made it a reality check.

I promise to never forget. Every day I keep thinking about you. Being genius really broods complicated individuals like us. Smart and capable and full of a potential for a bright future; dark and complicated and secretive and wary.

Every day, you are my reality check. So that one day, I'll look back on it all, and realize it wasn't in vain.

My life will not be in vain.


Sometimes I just wish others would feel this kind of confidence in themselves.


Good luck, friends . Sometimes we just don't understand each other. And that's just fine. I'll forever try to understand . I guess it's not my place.