i know other people have their own goodbyes to say, they're own write-ups, they're own tears.

for now.. all i want to say for now is... thank you for all the memories.

i have a feeling i'm going to be writing a lot about you. i hope you don't mind.. it's just the way i usually deal with things.

anyway... happy belated 21st birthday.
goodnight, cookie cookie.
oyasuminasai.
the first japanese phrase you taught me in that text message so long ago.


i just recently brought back the song that i thought i couldn't ever listen to again.. and i think now i know why i brought it back.
somehow you were never far from my thoughts.
you will never be far from my thoughts.


"it might be you - kai".

i've been saving love songs and lullabies.



remember when i said i would always be there? when you ran away from the car? when you spoke of the void you felt. the memories you would forget. how you would always talk about going away. how many times you called me to hang out and i just didn't pull through. how much you thought of your future - getting an apartment instead of a car, and i suggested you buy a bike to get to work at least. how we went randomly to the beach. how you texted me at 5 am to say happy 4th of july sunrise (did it rise yet?).
how i always thought we'd be friends even through it all.

how we first held hands. the way you looked at me. the notebook (ha, that movie..). the japanese you taught me. the my sassy girl canon in C piece you taught me. the weird videos you would show me on youtube. the FF/DOA video compilation. smash and your conceit with ike/marth.

you.

the ups, the downs.
how i told you i'd always be there when you returned...

i can't put you to rest because of the few yet many memories we've had.
i know how others feel. how angry they must feel. i know i relate to them.. and also i can relate to the thoughts you had.
cj said.. 'we're all somehow connected.' yes we are.. indeed, we are.
i can't put you to rest because you'll never be forgotten.

again. i hope you don't mind that i'm writing about you. you were always private, saying 'i thought we weren't going to put those pictures up.' hah.. sorry...

miss you, erikku-kun.