i fear a lot of things.

i certainly don't understand a lot of things.

somehow, i'm waiting for the biggest surprise of my life.
for something so good, it would literally make my dreams...
come true.

i could wait for that day to come.

who is that hero in my life?
am i dependent on one guy, or is there something out there for me?

i'm not sure anymore.
i wait in silent reverie.

i wait... for something good.
but i was never good at accepting change, even though change is what i seem to want.

i am my own contradiction.

i don't know how patient i can be.

is it true that good things come to those who wait?
is it true that actions speak louder than words?

i like words.
when i get around to speaking, to writing, to conversing...
i have my on and off days... whether i want to be social or not.

i'm still waiting around for something.
i was never one to really let go.

--
bite my tongue. mark my words.
i am silent
and outspoken.

i am the quiet type, introspective.
i am the social type, an extrovert.

who is the real me? am i a composite of both?
--
who am i allowed to dream about?
how long will i be satisfied with mediocre?
when and how will we grow?
when will dreams come true?
if my dreams come true.

i've lived a life for two people, but i'm just one girl.
one person. trying so hard to understand her life.
and i'll just keep waiting for that something to arrive.

to be the support i need.
and i'll be his support in return.

maybe it's you.
[who?]


--

edit:
this is scary how accurate it is in relation to my life. rawwrr.

Name: Angelica
Date: 3/17/2009
Colorgenics Number: 31074265

You are striving for a life full of activity and experience and, perhaps even more, an environment where you would be able to forge a close bond with a person who can offer full emotional fulfillment.

The way things are you are under considerable stress and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone and you are right - move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

At times one is burdened with more than one's fair share of problems and this would appear to be your situation at present. But you are adamant - you know what you wish to achieve - and by giving a little and taking a little you may well find that the realization of your dreams could become a reality.

For whatever the reason, you find it extremely difficult to sustain relationships - that is to sustain them in the manner that you would wish. You are a very gentle sort of person, full of feeling, sensitivity and susceptible to love and affection, looking and longing for a partner with whom you can enjoy 'All things bright and beautiful' - someone with whom you can seek out the more esoteric things of life. But up to now this person has only existed in your imagination. You are very choosy, appreciative, refined and extremely artistic in temperament and it is your hope to seek others who will allow you to form and express your own taste and judgement and who at the same time may assist you in your intellectual or artistic growth.

You really would like to be completely uninhibited - to let your hair down - but you are held back by your sense of logic and rationalilty, since you realise that by simple stupidity you could lose everything - whatever that may be.