tonight is just like any other night that is like it.

cold, clear skies, stars.

i get out of play practice and i think about calling you up since i'm a short walk away, but i don't. i go back to my apartment and get my stuff together. my roomie and her bf are comfortable and about to sleep and we talk about salmon (lol). and then i think about you, i think about calling you up, but i don't.

instead, i call the usual one. and i drive out of the way and go to him because this is all i've known, this is what i have gotten used to, this is what my gut says i should let go of... but never can. i hate being alone.

i drive my car and a couple hits go on the radio. i think about calling you, simply because i like that new soulja boy song that played("kiss me through the phone".. or something like that). i continue the drive as the radio signal begins to fade, as i go into a town where they don't get my radio station, where the stars are so clear in the sky because of no light pollution.

i finally reach my destination, turning off my car alarm so that it won't make a sound in this sleepy town. i sit in my car and grab my phone. some new kelly clarkson song hits the soundwaves. i sit there in the darkness, engine off, and grab my cell phone. i scroll down through the call logs and click on your name. i hover over it.

catchy beat of kelly's new song gets me entranced (wtf, i know..).

But boys will be boys, oh, yes, they will
They don't wanna define it
Just give up the game and get into me

i click on the phone's screen when the display light goes dark several times.

Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I come slow
So if you want me, I don't come cheap
Keep your hand in my hand, your heart on your sleeve

i keep staring at your name. it sounds like a click, like it could work . but i know i keep holding back. and i give myself all the mental reasons as to why.

Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I fall deep
'Cause the more that you try the harder I'll fight
To say goodnight

maybe guilt, maybe it's my urge not to complicate things. my secret wish to un-complicate things, and just try hard for something that may never work because with you, i never know if things will go anywhere.

Lay your head down and feel the beat
As I kiss your forehead
This may not last but this is now

whenever i'm with you, i know i should just think, "this is now."

So love the one you're with
You wanna chase but you're chasin' your tail
A quick fix won't ever get you well


you and i have so many potentials, so much to offer. deep in thought, i can see myself with you. yet i know that we're not limited to each other. i've got competition, and so do you.

but then my driver door opens, startling me hardcore. i jump out of thought, turn to my left, and say "oh God" to the darkness.

i turn to see him. i follow him inside.





yet i find myself still thinking about you.